


Healing Battle Scars

by CharminglyyEvil



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Elliot and Olivia reunite, Elliot kissing Olivia's scars away because i need this so much, F/M, Healing After Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Reference to Olivia's PTSD, Shower Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:15:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28008309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharminglyyEvil/pseuds/CharminglyyEvil
Summary: 'She feels his mouth on her neck, sending her heart accelerating and leaving her breathless. Elliot drags kisses down the slope of her neck and towards her collarbone, deep and torturously slow, as if he’s wanting to savour her taste. "This is wrong,” Olivia whispers.'Set after 15x01. Elliot hears about what Olivia went through and comes to see her, hoping to relieve her pain. After reacquainting themselves and talking through her trauma, Olivia learns just how Elliot can help her heal, emotionally and physically. One shot.
Relationships: Bensler - Relationship, Elliot - Relationship, Olivia Benson & Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	Healing Battle Scars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bronze_Barrier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bronze_Barrier/gifts).



There were many things Olivia enjoyed before her abduction.

The rush she felt in her heart when she was buried deep in a case, knowing that she was close to finding answers. Evenings alone snuggled under her covers, enjoying the warm comforts of silence and a good book. Hot showers on a chilly night.

Since her abduction, each hour she spent working on a case is torturous, time ticking by like a whip striking fear into her heart, a reminder that she is one step closer to failing the victim. Her evenings of solitude and silence she once cherished now dragged her further into her own mind, imprisoning her in her thoughts, emotions, _memories…_

Olivia could remember indulging in showers every evening, hot water gushing over her and melting the tension from her body. Now, as Olivia disrobes in front of the shower and catches sight of her reflection, it is all she can do to not breakdown.

She sees the scar on her neck first, shaped like a sickle. She follows the other scars printed down her body…over her breasts and stomach. Cigarette burns. Cuts. _Bites_. She takes in a rattling breath.

_She sees his lips curling into a grin, smells his whisky drenched breath, hot, puffing against her skin as he marks his territory…_

Immediately Olivia spins on her heel, steps into the shower and turns on the tap. She tips her head back underneath the scorching water, hoping that it can melt the scars off her skin and drown out her memories. Olivia doesn’t know why she tortures herself every evening by staring at her reflection before she showers. Perhaps it’s the same reason why she stopped returning her psychologist’s calls, kept making flimsy excuses as to why she couldn’t see Cassidy and stopped engaging with life.

_Penance_. Of some sort.

For what? Olivia does not know. She can’t blame herself for what William Lewis did to her.

However, she’s furious at herself for letting him twist his way into her mind after all these months and impairing her ability to work. Every day, Olivia feels waves of rage, fear and chilling depression rise and fall throughout her body like sea water, a body that she no longer feels safe in, a body that is no longer her own.

Olivia had escaped her abduction, but she had lost a part of herself that day, still shackled to the bed in the empty beach house.

Olivia crumbles to the ground and cries. Sobs shatter her chest and rock throughout her body. Olivia grieves for the strength she feels like she lost that day and for the body that no longer feels like hers. She grieves for her spirit that is buried ten-feet under her fear, grief and pain, unable to connect with friends, family, the women she works to help or her life.

Olivia pulls her legs to her chest, arms wrapping around the backs of her thighs. Her wrists brush against more scars that track down her inner thighs. Immediately, flashbacks pulse through her mind.

_Olivia, biting back a cry as Lewis burns her arm, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing her pain._

_“Quiet now huh? You couldn’t shut up before.” Lewis chucks the cigarette on the ground. His eyes twinkle as he approaches Olivia, dragging her by the cuffs to the kitchen. “No worries…I’m sure you’ll have a lot to scream about soon.”_

_Her eyes widen with horror as she watches him turn on her stove, his hands yanking her wrists towards the flame…_

Olivia bites down into her mouth and screams.

…

Elliot just reaches her apartment door when he hears sobs.

Worry strikes his heart, jolting him to knock with urgency. He calls out her name, noticing the letters piled outside her door. _How long has she been home for?_

Elliot knocks again, calling out her name a little louder this time. Then he hears the sound of a door closing and rustle of movements in the background. He waits for a while and raises his hand to knock again.

The door swings open.

“Elliot?”

Elliot startles. He can see that she has been crying, her features hardened with anguish. His chest tightens, suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to reach out and embrace her, as he would have done so many years ago before they stopped speaking. Elliot notices that her hair is damp, still dripping water at the ends and shorter too. She’s wearing a loose night-shirt with buttons at the front and silk shorts. It is barely six and she looks like she is about to go to bed.

Elliot had stood outside her apartment building for twenty-minutes, preparing what he would say to her after years of silence. But he hadn’t prepared for the flood of emotions that would hit him when he saw her again.

Elliot swallows. “Hey. Can I come in?”

Olivia blinks once, twice, her stunned expression soon passing for confusion. She steps aside silently and lets him in. Elliot takes in her apartment, familiar, except for the mess. He notices dishes piled high in her sink and paperwork splayed on the coffee table and floor. It is so unlike Olivia to let the state of her house go, when she was often the one who would mock him for the mess on his desk.

Olivia folds her arms, guarded, watching him as he paces her apartment. She waits for him to say something, to break the uncomfortable silence growing between the two of them. Finally, she says, “Elliot, what are you doing here?”

Elliot turns around. His eyes soften when he meets her gaze, noticing the exhausted shadows hanging under her eyelids. “I heard what happened…back at Long Island.”

“Oh…Cragen called you, didn’t he?”

Elliot nods.

Olivia breathes out a small scoff, turning her head in disbelief. _Of course_ Cragen had contacted him. Olivia had been neglecting his calls all week. “I suppose you heard that they let me go then? Apparently, being kidnapped, assaulted and tortured by a sadist has compromised my judgement.” 

“You know that’s not true Liv. God, if what Cragen is saying is true, it’s a miracle that you walked out of there alive. They’re giving you the time off to work through this until you’re ready to come back.” Elliot pauses for a moment, then says, “You know they could never replace you.

Olivia chews her lower lip. A terrifying thought, the same thought that has been beating in her stomach since Cragen told her to go home, creeps back up her throat again, hitching in her voice. “And what if I’m never ready to return?”

Suddenly, Elliot understands. Olivia isn’t just beating herself up for not being able to work for now. Olivia’s scared that she might never be capable of working again, of doing the very thing she lives and breathes for.

Elliot steps forward, a new urgency in his tone. “That could never happen.” 

Grief begins to shatter her features. Olivia shrugs her shoulder half-heartedly. “It’s been months El. Months since he kidnapped me. I was going to therapy and taking self-defence classes…I was making progress. Yet since the case with Buddy, the nightmares returned. The flashbacks are getting worse…” Olivia pauses, her voice catching with fear. “What if I’m not capable of doing this work anymore?”

Elliot shakes his head. “Liv you were _traumatised._ Of course it’s going to take time-”

“He didn’t rape me. I _escaped_.”

“He _assaulted_ you. He tied you down to a bed and tortured you. The sick fucker kidnapped an elderly lady, raped her and made you watch.”

A sob suddenly breaks from her lips. Olivia squeezes her eyes shut, failing to suppress the new wave of tears raining down her cheeks.

Immediately, Elliot wraps his arms around her, drawing her body close to his. Olivia is still at first, surprised at the sudden contact. Then, slowly she softens into his embrace like she had done so many times before. Olivia buries her face into his chest, her cries coming out in breathy, shattering sobs.

“God…I’m sorry,” Olivia breathes into his shirt.

“Don’t be. I’m sorry.”

Sorry, for what? For bringing up her trauma? For not staying here with her in New York, so he could have killed the sick psycho? For not protecting her? For leaving without as much as a phone call and cutting her out of his life for the past three years?

As the minutes pass, Olivia gradually begins to feel calmer, her tears ceasing. She closes her eyes, taking a moment to breathe into his shirt, smelling musk and rain and leather. She’s surprised at how comforting his scent is. His touch is soothing as well, his hands firm yet warm on her lower back, _familiar._

Eventually, Olivia raises her head, taking in a steady breath. Elliot releases her. He watches her wipe away her tears, collecting herself.

She mutters, “I’m fine.”

“Like hell you are.”

Olivia’s lips tilt into a hint of a smile that makes his heart swell. It was in that moment that she realises just how much she misses him _._ “Elliot, why did you come here tonight? You left SVU without a word. And since you left you haven’t reached out to me since…no email, no phone call. Hell, I had to contact _Kathy_ to see if you were okay. Yet it takes one call from Cragen sharing that I was abducted and assaulted, and you show up at my door?”

Elliot lowers his eyes, silent. He knows that she’s right. Guilt begins to gnaw at him as she presses on.

“I thought we were closer than that. You tell Cragen that you want to leave but you can’t tell me? We were partners…after all these years together, you should have told me.”

“Of course we’re close.” Elliot blows out a slow breath, briefly closing his eyes. “I wanted to tell you Liv, I just-” He stops, sighing, struggling to collect his words. “It’s because we’re that close that I couldn’t tell you. Every time I thought about picking up the phone to tell you I was leaving, I would freeze…I didn’t know how to say goodbye at the time. I didn’t want to complicate things.”

“Complicate things?”

Elliot lifts his shoulder in a half shrug, his eyes softening on hers. “It’s you Liv. You’re the last person here I could say goodbye too. I was a coward and didn’t call you. I didn’t want either of us to say something that we might regret…So I thought it would be easier that way.”

Olivia is silent, her mind processing his words. _I didn’t want to complicate things._ She thinks about how close they had always been, as partners and as friends. Yet she had always felt like there was something more there between the two of them. But her relationship with Elliot had always been comfortable, _easy._ She would never want to complicate that.

“I’m sorry Liv,” Elliot says softly, breaking her from her thoughts. “I should have called you. You deserved at least that.”

Olivia nods. She’s silent for a moment, then speaks. “So, are you coming back then?”

Elliot shrugs again. “I don’t know. With all the trouble I’ve caused SVU, I’m pretty sure Cragen was relieved to see me leave.”

Olivia gives him a playful shove. “You know that’s not true. We missed you. _I_ missed you.”

Elliot lifts his head, the edges around his eyes crinkling when he smiles. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You left without much notice, so I had to work with Fin for a while until they found me a new partner.”

“Oh God, I’m sorry.”

Olivia breathes out a small laugh. “He’s actually alright. As long as you don’t get him started on politics.” Olivia pauses, looking up to meet his gaze. “I’m glad you’re back El, at least for tonight.”

Elliot passes her a smile, warmth blooming in his chest. “So…what else have I missed since I left?”

…

Olivia told him everything. The new people that have come and gone through SVU, her new partner and her previous promotion to captain. Olivia didn’t mention Cassidy. Somehow, she felt like she was betraying her boyfriend by speaking to Elliot. And Elliot didn’t ask her about her love life either, so she didn’t bring it up.

Then Olivia spoke about her abduction. Elliot was silent as she recalled every detail. He stayed silent even when she cried, squeezing her hand and giving her the space to share. She missed that about him. Olivia knew how highly Elliot spoke of her and her capacity to empathise with victims, gain their trust and help them to share and heal. But Olivia always admired the silent strength Elliot carried, his ability to be present when he listened to every gruesome detail she shared, containing her emotions like an anchor grounding a ship during a storm.

Now Olivia is curled up on the couch, nursing a steaming mug of camomile tea that Elliot made for her (she smiled when he went straight to her pot of teabags, not even needing to ask Olivia what she wanted to drink, because _of course_ she was trying to give up coffee, again). Elliot is next to her, his beverage on the coffee table, untouched.

“I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes,” Olivia confesses quietly, placing her mug down. “All those years telling victims that it will get better, that finding closure and seeking support will help you heal. As if healing is that fast and easy. It’s been months El and I still don’t feel better. The flashbacks still come, the nightmares are hell. Sometimes I don’t even feel like this is my body.”

Elliot’s gaze softens, his chest tightening at her words. He reaches for her hand. “Olivia, you know this will get better. Healing isn’t a linear process.” 

“I know. I just-” Olivia pauses, shaking her head. “It’s like some mornings I can’t even get out of bed.” Tears bite back behind her eyes once more, a sob rattling in her chest. “This isn’t me El…And I want her back.”

Elliot squeezes her hand tightly, unsure of how to reply. He brushes his thumb over her skin, feeling coarse skin. He glances down and lifts the bottom of her sleeves, seeing a scar across her wrist.

“What happened here?”

Olivia follows his gaze and winces when she recalls the memory. “That was Lewis’s work.”

Olivia’s previous words resonate through his mind. _Sometimes I don’t even feel like this is my body._ Elliot can feel Olivia beginning to try and tug her wrist away. He can see shame passing her eyes. It breaks his heart.

Elliot holds onto her wrist, asking “What did he do?”

Olivia looks up, surprised at the unexpected question. “He cut me with a knife. That was after he had tied me up at my apartment. He was taunting me…telling me in every which way he would make me scream-”

Olivia’s breath stops short with a gasp, the words dying on her lips. Elliot had brought her wrist up to his lips, brushing her skin and the coarse scar in a chaste kiss. Olivia stares at him in wonder.

Elliot ignores her shock and pushes her sleeve further along up her forearm, his fingers running over a different scar, this one brown and wrinkled. He lifts his head, his eyes questioning.

“Ah…that was a cigarette burn.” Olivia says softly, struggling to collect her thoughts together as his fingers run over her skin, stirring goose bumps up her arm. “He had me held against the kitchen-”

Olivia’s words evaporate from her lips once more as Elliot’s lips brush against her scar. Then another. Then another. Olivia gasps as she feels him trail feathery light kisses up along her arm, spreading a tingling heat across her skin. He pauses when he reaches above her elbow, the sleeve not rising up any further.

Olivia’s eyes are still closed when she feels his fingers brushing aside her curls, ghosting over the curve of her neck.

“He burned you here as well,” he murmurs.

Olivia can hear the anger vibrating in his tone. She nods. Then she feels his mouth on her neck, sending her heart accelerating and leaving her breathless. Elliot drags kisses down the slope of her neck and towards her collarbone, deep and torturously slow, as if he’s wanting to savour her taste. A moan stirs from the base of her throat.

Olivia manages to breathe, “Elliot, w-what are you doing?”

“Do you want me to stop?”

She feels his murmur tickle her ear, sending a shiver licking her spine. Olivia closes her eyes. A million thoughts race through her mind as to why this is a bad idea. _Kathy. Cassidy._ “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Then tell me to stop.”

Then his lips are behind her ear, peppering a trail of kisses down towards the slope of her neck. Olivia tries to stop him. Yet her head is tilting to the side to give him further access, a moan escaping her lips when she feels him sucking at the hollow of her neck. Desire pools quickly between her thighs. She can feel his body begin to turn towards hers, one hand steadying his weight on the cushion next to her, the other stirring goose bumps up her leg and towards her thigh.

Olivia breathes out another moan when she feels his lips travelling further south, just hovering between the dip of her breasts.

“This is wrong,” Olivia whispers.

“Then tell me stop Liv, and I will.”

His voice is hoarse and thick with desire. He brushes another kiss against her jaw. She turns to face him, his eyes darkened with lust. She whispers, “I can’t.”

Then this time when Elliot kisses her, she doesn’t stay still with resistance. The last of her resolve melts as her lips move with his, falling deeper into his kiss. His kisses are soft at first, _electric,_ sending desire like electric eels swimming throughout her body, leaving her breathless. Then she feels his hand curling around the back of her neck, fingers twisting through her hair as he pulls her in further, deepening the kiss.

Even the slightest of his touches is enough to make her body quiver; his fingers dancing along the bare skin just above her waistband and playing with her already firm nipples behind the thin material of her shirt. His stubble, coarse yet ticklish, brushing over her skin with each one of his kisses dragging along her jaw, the back of her ear and down towards her breasts… Olivia moans into his mouth, a deep ache between her thighs stirring, wanting more.

Soon, Olivia is reaching for his shoulders, steadying her balance as she goes to straddle his waist.

“Liv?” Elliot murmurs, surprised yet pleased with her new position.

Olivia murmurs a “ _Hmmm?”_ as she slips her tongue into his mouth, her fingers working to undo his buttons. She slowly grinds her hips against his, moaning at the friction. She can feel him growing harder beneath her. She smiles, enjoying the way she can make him groan and twitch underneath her with the push of her hips.

Elliot reaches for her hands. “Live, we don’t have too…I mean _God_ , I want to, but-”

“Hey, I do.” Olivia presses her lips to his, the kiss more tender this time. “I want this.”

She can see the hint of surprise blooming in his eyes. Olivia is a little surprised herself, to be wanting sex after her trauma, after barely being able to look at her naked body. Yet beneath the lust, Olivia feels _safe_. Safe in a way only Elliot could make her feel. Olivia wants to wrap her legs tighter around his waist and have him buried deep inside of her, as if he were her anchor. She wants to drink him in with every kiss and taste every inch of him, to lose herself in him.

“Please El,” Olivia murmurs into his ear again. “I want _you.”_

Her words, thick with lust and _begging for him,_ are enough to make him undone.

A growl rumbles in his throat as his mouth devours hers.

Somehow, in their dizzying state of desire, they move from the couch and stumble into her bedroom, fumbling with buttons and tearing off clothes in the process. His lips still on hers, Elliot guides Olivia to the edge of the bed. Olivia falls onto the mattress, working quickly to pull her unbuttoned shirt over her head. She stops and waits for Elliot expectedly, a hint of impatience in her lustrous eyes.

Elliot climbs onto the bed, his breath stopping short when he takes her in.

Elliot would be lying if he said that he had never fantasized about Olivia before. There were times at work, particularly during the peak of his divorce, when he would find his gaze wondering towards Olivia, and his mind would wander too…of course, that’s all they had ever been. _Fantasies._

Yet tonight, it’s not just a fantasy. His eyes slowly drink her in…her tousled, chocolate brown hair falls loosely around her frame, her lips are rich and swollen and her eyes are darkened with lust. His eyes run over her naked body, the curves of her breasts that rise and fell with each shallow, lustful breath and the plane of her stomach that shivers under his gaze.

_She’s gorgeous._

“El?” Olivia tilts her head to the side, her eyes wincing curiously. “Are you going to just sit there and stare?”

Snapping back into the moment, Elliot crawls on top of her body, straddling her waist. He claims her mouth in another biting kiss, drinking her in. “Sorry, got carried away with what I was looking at.”

She breathes out a laugh into his lips. “Don’t you think we’re a bit old for that?”

“I mean it,” he murmurs into her lips, kissing his way down her neck. “You’re gorgeous Liv.”

Olivia’s heart flutters at his words, like a leaf caught in the wind. Guilt soon follows. Somehow it feels worst when he speaks to her like that, it makes it feel so _intimate,_ like this isn’t just sex. Olivia pushes the thoughts aside and wraps her legs around his waist, reaching for his briefs.

Elliot stops her hands, bringing his lips to hers once more. “I want to taste you first.”

Then he’s dragging his mouth down the slope of her neck, over her breasts and all over her body. His kisses are hot and heavy, her skin catching on fire wherever his mouth goes. She arches her back as he travels lower and lower… feels his hands part her legs, fingers slipping silk than cotton off her legs. Then he’s kissing a scar on her inner thigh, the scar that is tied to the worst memories of her trauma that has brought her the most pain. Olivia moans as he continues to kiss his way up her thighs, drawing closer to where she needs him most…

She lets out a cry when she feels his mouth burying deep between her thighs. She arches her back and twists her fingers through his hair, guiding him deeper into her. He drinks her in, slowly at first, _achingly slow._ Then his lips part further, taking more, and more of her in.

_“Oh God…”_

She can feel his pace quicken. Her hips rise to meet his mouth, the push of his tongue…Waves of intense, wild pleasure build quickly within her, sending her higher and higher…She squeezes her eyes shut so tight she can see stars.

Olivia comes with his name on her lips, thighs locking around his head as her orgasm ripples throughout her body.

Elliot swallows her juices, before slowly kissing his way back up her body. He gives her a moment to breathe before claiming her mouth with his. She tastes her salty taste on his lips, which only makes her want him more.

With a new _aching_ hunger, Olivia arches her back up and wraps her legs around his waist, rolling him onto his back. She grins at his surprise, straddling his waist. She kisses him with a new intensity. This time, when she reaches for his briefs, Elliot doesn’t protest, but helps her take them off.

Then, Olivia gradually sinks into him, hot, slick and wet. She takes him in slowly at first, _torturously slow,_ inch by inch, drawing a long, strangled groan from his throat. She almost cries when she feels him buried completely inside her. She begins to feel him moving inside her slowly, hips rising and falling, gradually stretching her walls, letting her take more and more of him in each time.

“ _God Live…”_ his groans are hoarse, primal. His fingers curl deeper into her waist, bruising her skin, pulling her hips to meet his thrusts. “You feel so good.”

Olivia tilts her head back, consumed with pleasure and unable to speak, except for the soft cries he draws from her lips with each thrust of his hips. She clutches onto his shoulders and begins to ride him, harder, _faster_. She begs him to do the same.

Elliot obliges.

Their bodies move together, finding an equal rhythm, losing themselves to lust, to each other. Through their lust, there’s a tenderness there between them. He can feel it when she dips her head down, her lips capturing his in a gentle yet heated kiss. She can feel it in the way his hands explore her body, squeezing her breasts until she’s moaning and sculpting slowly down her curves, as if he could ingrain every inch of her skin into his memory with his hands alone.

Olivia can feel him holding on for her, his thrusts bringing her closer to the edge.

“ _Please El_ … _I’m so close…Please…”_

Elliot let’s go with one final thrust, their faces shattering with pure pleasure as they chase each other over the edge.

They lie there on their backs, the sound of their shallow breaths permeating the air as they slowly come down. They’re silent for a while.

Olivia can feel Elliot turning onto his side, his fingers lightly dancing down the side of her arm. It’s soothing. It’s Elliot who speaks first.

“So, you and Cassidy huh?”

Olivia turns on her side to face him, seeing him gesture to the photo frame of her and Cassidy on her nightstand. Her chest tightens with guilt.

“How long has that been going on?”

“Do you really want to talk about my boyfriend right now?”

Olivia doesn’t miss the flinch that quickly cuts across his face at the mention of her relationship, at the reminder of the adultery they have committed.

Elliot studies her, sees her features twisting with guilt. “Do you regret what we did?”

Olivia briefly closes her eyes. “Don’t you? God, what about Kathy? What about your family?”

She cans see the effect her words have on him and almost regrets saying it herself.

“I wish I could say I regret it but-” Elliot blows out a small breath, his features tensing with emotion. “I missed you Liv. Even after all these years…I never stopped missing you. Then seeing you tonight, I couldn’t-”

“Stop,” Olivia cuts him off abruptly, sitting up. She turns her head away from his, a new pain tightening her tone. “Don’t say anything you might regret.”

Elliot sits up with her, a frown furrowing his features. “Liv…”

“I don’t want to be the reason you leave your family. I won’t be that woman.”

Elliot can see pain break across her features, pain that she has been holding onto for years. Her eyes squeeze shut, as if she can escape this moment. Elliot heart aches and he reaches for her hand instinctively.

“Liv, hey stop. You could never be that woman.” He touches her cheek, trying to bring her back to him. “Liv, Kathy and I are getting a divorce.”

Her eyes snap open, shocked. “What?”

Elliot swallows, discomfort rising into his throat as he recalls the news. “When Kathy and I chose to move away from New York, we hoped that we could have a fresh start, focus more on the family. She was right, it was getting too hard working at SVU than coming home, I was missing out on so many key moments. Only, it didn’t take us long to realise that the issue with our marriage wasn’t just with my work.”

Elliot stops, unable to go on.

He doesn’t need to, Olivia understands.

“It doesn’t make me any less of an arsehole,” Elliot shares gruffly. “I’m still married, we haven’t finalised our papers yet.”

“I’m sorry El,” Olivia says quietly.

Elliot shakes his head. “Don’t be. It was my fault. I saw the signs, saw where our marriage was going…and I did nothing.” He pauses, thinking about his past at SVU, thinking about when his marriage started to fall apart. Then he starts to think of Olivia. “Back then Liv, did you ever think about us?”

“Us?”

Elliot’s shoulder raises in a half shrug. “Yeah, us. Being together.”

She’s completely taken back by his words. Her lips part than close, unsure of what to say. Finally, she says slowly, “You know how it is…we saw each other every day, I saw you more than I saw anyone else, including my past boyfriends. When you spend that much time with someone, you do start to wander…I _tried_ not to think about us. That’s rule 101, right?” Olivia breathes out a small laugh. “What did they tell us on day one at the Law Enforcement Academy? Don’t fall for your partner…especially the married one.” Olivia swallows, suddenly uncomfortable at how deep and how close this conversation was going. She lifts her gaze. “Where is this coming from El?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said I never thought about us before. Still haven’t stopped either…”

“Why are you bringing this up now?”

Elliot blows out a small sigh, seeing the incredulous look in her eyes. “I never intended to bring this up tonight…I didn’t intend for any of this to happen. I did come by to check in on you, because I was so worried after what Cragen told me. It’s just that…I didn’t realise that after all this time, after laying eyes on you, I would still feel this way.”

“Feel what way?”

Elliot’s lips pull into a small smile, his eyes softening on hers. “You know what way Liv.”

Olivia is speechless. 

Elliot swallows, the full weight of what he has just shared sinks in, weighing on his shoulders. He tries to read her, to see how she’s feeling.

Finally, he says “Look, I never wanted to complicate things.”

Olivia almost laughs. “You didn’t want to complicate things, yet you wait until now to share this with me?”

Elliot lets out a breath that is half a laugh and half a sigh, understanding her disbelief. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything …maybe we didn’t do the right thing here. All I know is that I just-I had to tell you.” Elliot stops for a beat, then says softly, “You know that nothing has to change right? If things were easier with how they were before, we can move on from this night, pretend like it never happened.”

Olivia shakes her head. “Do you think we could really move on from this, like nothing ever happened?” She waits for him to respond, then says quietly, “You know, it’s not like I never felt the same way too.”

Elliot lifts his head up, a hint of a smile touching his eyes. “Really?”

Olivia just smiles back at him, giving him her answer. Then she breaths out a laugh, closing her eyes. “Oh God…we’re awful people. What are we going to do?”

Elliot is silent. _He knows what he wants._

Olivia studies him for a moment. She knows that there’s still so much to talk about, so much they need to work through.

Yet she finds herself asking “Can you stay the night?”

Elliot is taken back at her words. “You sure?”

Olivia nods. She pushes aside her guilt once more, knowing that it would break Cassidy’s heart if he knew. But also knowing that she can’t bear to spend this night without Elliot, not after what they just shared.

Elliot nods silently. He wraps his arm around her, feels her head coming to rest on his chest as she snuggles next to him. He turns his head to brush a kiss to her temple, briefly breathing in her scent…coconut shampoo and a hint of floral from the fabric softener. He feels her body softening into his with each rise and fall of her breath.

Just as sleep begins to drag Olivia down into darkness, she thinks about Cassidy, Cassidy who is comfortable, _easy._

Then she thinks about Elliot. Elliot, _who feels like home._

…

Morning sunlight streams through her blinds and climbs up her blankets, stirring Olivia from her slumber.

Her eyes flutter open, slowly regaining her senses. Olivia breathes out a small hum and stretches. She feels light, _relaxed._ She realises that she slept through the whole night, her sleep uninterrupted by night terrors. It was the first morning in weeks that she woke up without a racing heart, sweat and tears.

She hears the rustle of movement and turns to her side, seeing Elliot roll over his side, still asleep. Her lips soften into a small smile. She’s surprised at how natural it feels, waking up next to him. Olivia studies his features. He looks relaxed as well, free from the usual worries that crease and furrow his features.

Olivia drops a kiss to his brow and then his shoulder. Her hands soon follow, gently tracing patterns up his sculpted chest as she drops kisses down to his jaw. She can feel him stir underneath her. Memories of last night stir in the front of her mind, bringing with it a new wave of desire to feel him close to her again. Olivia rolls over and crawls onto his body, straddling his waist.

Elliot wakes up, his lips tilting into a smile when he sees her sitting on top of him.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

He sees her knowing smile, knowing that she’s far from apologetic. “There are worst ways to wake up.”

Then he brings his mouth up to her waiting kiss, drinking her in. He feels her hips push up against his as she deepens the kiss, his arousal growing underneath her.

Olivia lets out a small hum into his lips as he breaks away. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah. You?”

She feels his hands curl around her waist, fingers tracing up and down her sides. Olivia smiles. “Better. I think I’m going to call Cragen this morning.”

Elliot pauses his movement, casting her a look. “Not what I expect to hear when you’re sitting naked on top of me.”

Olivia breaths out a small laugh. “No, I want to speak to him about my plans to come back SVU. I want to call my therapist too.” She notices the curious look he gives her and says, “I feel a change this morning.”

Elliot breathes out a small _Ah_. He slides his hands around her waist once more, pulling her hips closer to his, smiling when he notices a sigh of pleasure push past her lips. “And does this change involve you leaving this bed?”

Olivia traces her fingers down his chest until their reaching for his hands, a thoughtful look crossing her features. “Well I do need to leave you to shower…unless you would like to join me? You know, to save water.”

Olivia breaths out a laugh as he all but lunges forward, capturing her mouth with his.

…

_Four weeks later…_

There are new things that Olivia’s been enjoying since Elliot has been spending more and more nights at her apartment.

Watching movies with him in the evening, her head resting on his lap and the feeling of his fingers gently running through her hair and grazing her scalp. Mornings waking up to his body and the weight of his arm around her waist, warm and comforting. Groceries in her fridge and cupboard topped with her favourite tea after a few nights of takeout.

But there was one thing that Olivia’s been enjoying most of all…

Olivia laughs when she hears Elliot’s footsteps chasing after her and into the shower. She turns on the water just as he steps forward to push her up against the tiled walls, his mouth devouring hers. Hot water gushes between their naked bodies. Olivia moans into his mouth as she feels his knee part her legs, gently brushing against the intimate heat between her thighs.

_“Elliot…”_

It isn’t long before he has her pushed up against the wall, her legs wrapped around her waist as he slides into her, long, wet and hard.

_Yes,_ Olivia thinks. _She loves her showers most of all._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave me comments and kudos, they fuel my fire to write more. This is my first SVU fic. Very new to the fandom (and excited about their reunion!) Alas I haven't seen Season 13 yet, so please forgive me if I haven't gotten all the details right. 
> 
> (Wanted to gift this to Bronze_Barrier as I come out of my two-year hiatus from writing fanfiction, who has been the biggest support for me and my fanfiction writing!)


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